Talking To Guys

Kate from the Gold Coast wrote to us to seek some advice about talking to guys. This is what she said:

Please help me. I like a guy at school…he's really cute. The problem is that I don't know how to talk to him. I really want him to like me but I really don't know how to approach him. When I see him, I get nervous… "butterflies" in my tummy and it's like I can't speak! If I say something, I'm worried everyone will know that I like him and I'd be so humiliated if he didn't like me back.

Talking to boys becomes more complicated when you hit your teen years. Suddenly, your interests are vastly different and the whole sexual attraction thing, along with a host of hormones messing with your thoughts and emotions, kicks in. It can be scary to talk to a guy you like and you run the risk of rejection if he doesn't feel the same way. However, guys are people too! Whether this turns into a romantic relationship or simply a friendship, it is worth facing your fear and talking to him.

Key points to remember:

1. Maintain eye-contact and act confidently.
2. Smile and be friendly.
3. Find out his interests and ask him about things he likes to do.
4. Treat him like a friend.
5. Be yourself. Don't try to be someone you think he might like you to be…chances are you'll do much better if you behave naturally.

Too shy to talk??

It sounds dorky but PRACTICE! You can write a list of "conversation starters" and questions to ask him. Practice in the mirror. Then, practice on someone less intimidating. By the time you speak with him, you'll be a natural!

Do you call him?

If you feel that you have a genuine friendship developing, by all means call him. Just remember that if he isn't calling back when you have called several times, you should also back off…read the signs. If in doubt, give it some time and get to know him better by talking to him when you see him in a regular situation.

SIDE NOTE FOR TALKING TO GUYS:

It must also be mentioned here that in your interactions with guys, you need to be clear and assertive with your communication, particularly when you are not keen to participate in something that you may feel pressure to do. Never do things just to fit in or impress a guy! Whether it be sex, drugs, riding in a car with an intoxicated driver, skipping school, whatever the situation…you need to know your own mind, express your opinion and follow through with appropriate action.

Do not compromise your safety, self-respect or integrity for anyone, not even a cute guy! If you don't agree with something, say "no" clearly. You do not need to apologize or go into lengthy explanations. If one guy turns out to be a jerk, don't be too concerned…there will be others!